I have always lived under the mantra that I wouldn’t be who I am at this moment without all my experiences. The good. The bad. All of it. Losing both my parents when I did. Friendships starting and friendships ending. I hate to even say this but in my life it feels like everything has happened for a reason. it’s just taken me years to discover each reason.
Lately I’ve been wishing my parents could be here to see their grand babies. The more I think about how my life has played out, any other path wouldn’t have brought me this amazing life I live. Let me share just a few examples as there are too many to list on here.
My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was in the fifth grade. Before that I didn’t have a higher power to believe in, until I knew I needed it, that day came when he was diagnosed. Being a Christian helped give me hope through a dark time in my life. Because of dads diagnosis I treasured the little moments with both parents (as best I could). When mom died I once again felt lost, but still had my faith to help strengthen me. Prior to moms death, dad and I weren’t very close, but after she passed we knew this needed to change. Dad and I became more intentional about working on our relationship, sure we still had our disagreements and tough times but we were each other’s support system. When mom passed away, dad and I only had his social security income to rely on, as he hadn’t worked in a few years due to his illness. I still remember the feeling of shame and embarrassment when I had to check the “free or reduced lunch” on a school form. But, because of our financial situation I received several grants and scholarships to go to my beloved Bethel University. If mom had been alive I’m not sure we would have been able to afford it. (Don’t misunderstand, I still have plenty of debt from Bethel, it was just more feasible with the financial aid I received). If it wasn’t for Bethel I wouldn’t have found one of my besties. If it wasn’t for Bethel I wouldn’t have eventually earned my DPT. If it wasn’t for Bethel I wouldn’t have made it through the long distance relationship I was in at the time. That relationship ending was the reason I moved to Colorado. Colorado has brought me a doctorate degree, so many amazing friends and besties, a huge support system and most importantly my husband. That husband is the one (along with my AMAZING support system) who got my through the death of my father. The death that I honestly thought would fully break me. My husband, my in laws and my besties fam were there to carry this 7 month pregnant woman through the awful year long battle with my brother to close my fathers estate. While it sucked to be so pregnant and lose my father, I deeply believe that kylie was in my life to save me. Because I was pregnant I couldn’t drown my sorrows in booze, I couldn’t just not eat, and most importantly I had to take care of her which meant taking care of me.
Believe me, I still wish, everyday, that I could see both my parents and that they could see this wonderful family hubby and I have created. But then again they are the very couple that has brought me such amazing blessings.
One thought on “Experience has led me here”
So beautiful and so wise… I love you Caity.